Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize