so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
