you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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