so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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