Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
