They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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