foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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