how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize