im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
high people should be assigned attendants
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
