i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
