Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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