I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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