so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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