My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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