I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
