I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
