I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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