My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just pee around me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
