There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
