even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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