even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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