i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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