I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
