did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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