Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
