they said they heard you say put it in my butt
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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