If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
