If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
