Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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