Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
