just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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