So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
