So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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