New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
