I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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