It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
