Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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