Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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