so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who died my cat blue again?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
