dude i'm inner monologue high
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
