I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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