I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please come you make the beer taste better
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
