He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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