I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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