i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After last night, I could never be a politician.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
