Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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