I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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