one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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