rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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