The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
