I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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