She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
