I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
