i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
