Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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