Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
