im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
