Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
not ubering you a puppy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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