is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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