So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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