i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
