I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize