i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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